Parenting

What made me write this article is: 

Children are the future of tomorrow. 

They are gift to us.

What is parenting?

Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship.

Parenting is usually done by the biological parents of the child in question, although governments and society take a role as well. In many cases, orphaned or abandoned children receive parental care from non-parent blood relations. Others may be adopted, raised in foster care, or placed in an orphanage.

Parenting is a process where children are given love and taught to love and grow in love and become a lovable person who is not only aware of his or her responsibility but also becomes a productive citizen of the country in which he or she lives.

There are several tips for parenting and they are as following:

1.      Be openly affectionate

Children thrive on love and affection. Be genuine and generous in hug and cuddles. Assist children to be comfortable with expressions of affection and not be afraid of hug, kiss and demonstrate the love for families and friends. When they are old enough or reached the age of reason tell them about the appropriate, inappropriate, safe and unsafe expression of love. 

2.      Acknowledge his/her feelings

It is always good to encourage the child to talk to you about their feeling. Sometimes we need to say to them, “I can see that you are angry. Do you want to tell about what happened?” When they cry, afraid or anxious we need to be by their side saying to them, “yes I am by your side”. Always keep in mind that child’s feeling is true hence pay heed. If she knows you are not indifferent towards what s/he is going through s/he will withdraw from you.

3.      Encourage your child to discover and appreciate the wonders of nature

Occasionally take your child out. Take him or her to the forests, streams, park, zoo, mountain, paddy fields, botanical garden or places of interest which will enable him or her to appreciate the wonders of the world. As she grows old she will in turn learn to appreciate them as source of peace and calmness. 

4.      Your child trust you and wants to measure up to your expectations

If you tell you children they are beautiful, intelligent, smart, talented and caring individual she will grow up in that way and will prove you right. But however, know that it works both ways; if you are convey to her in any way that she is not beautiful, dull or not smart then subconsciously act accordingly. Beware of the messages you convey to her consciously or unconsciously.

5.      Never laugh at your child, not even in jest

Always validate her feelings. When s/he tries to walk, laugh, talk or try new thing never laugh, chuckle at her for s/he may take for ridicule. Rather show her sincere regard for fledgling attempts and match the earnestness with as much seriousness as you can muster; whenever you laugh at something in her present let her feel that you are laughing with her and not at her.

6.      Guide your child to strive for excellence rather than perfection

When you are led by drive for perfection you tend to criticize. So allow room for imperfection to happen in his or her life. For example, Shoelace is not perfectly tied, milk is spilled on the new table cloak, when you are in a hurry s/he eats slowly, does not colour picture perfectly, tell her that it does not matter. Otherwise s/he will grow up in fear of making mistakes. What really matter is that she learns joyfully and enthusiastically and develops new skills. She will feel good about himself or herself; when s/he does well shower him or her with judicious prize or gift. This will surely lead him or her to grow in confidence.

7.      Never Criticize the other parents in front of your child

No matter what happens always stand together and firm as parents to the children. Set an example of loving parents. When you do that you provide grate sense of security and confidence to the children. You are her role model. S/he will look up to you as model to be followed. She will learn how to relate with people by observing you. Cultivate the quality of tolerance, patience, understanding, empathy for this will keep both of you united and firm and provide a safe ground for children to grow.  

8.      Never ask her to take sides

One should avoid asking children as to whom she loves most. For that question will put in the mind of children love as something conditional, limited. Rather one should teach or make her fell that love is in abundance in our hearts. The more you love the more opportunities remain to give or share love with others.

9.      Present a United front when Guiding your child

Children see parent as a team, so if you disagree among yourself they immediately sense it. If one parent says no to something, the other must not over rule that. Children can be very manipulative .if thy sense a division between you they will use it to their full advantage.

10.  Be Consistent

Your children are best observers of your character. They inspect each and every move taken. If you stop her from doing something once and in the second time you ignore the same thing, then they will no take you direction seriously. Children are clever. They test the limit with parents. They see how far they can push you. Do say no unless you mean it. Don’t make that unless you are willing to follow closely. Example if she continues to bang the plate with fork and knife despite your telling him or her not, say something like this – “If you keep banging the plate with spoon and fork then I will have to take it away from you.” Then be ready to and be willing to follow through it even if she starts to cry. Consistency does not mean rigidity. But here it means to do what you say in order to avoid and keep the spirit of integrity alive among yourselves. Explaining with reason why of it. Provide structure with reasonable limits that your child can understand which can instill a sense of comfort and safely in him or her.

11.  To tell your child what to do is more effective than telling her what not to do

When you instruct your child it is important to note that you tell her what to do. We know Energy flows constantly hence to say n to do is to say stop flow of energy. What is required is redirection of energy in the desired direction with suitable channel and no to stop the flow of it. When you instruct you child what to do immediately follow her up and also tell her why of it or the reason behind it. For example: Don’t draw on the wall because it will destroy the wall instead take this paper and draw we will hang you pretty picture and display it on the board. But sometimes you have to use Don’t for example: when anything goes towards harmful or injurious to their mind, and body.

12.  When she learns to assert her individually

If you happen to find your child in the wrong path gently bring him or her to the right path. Like good shepherd leading the flock, feeding, guarding, protecting, and taking care of them. Without letting him or her know or feel that she is a ‘bad child’. Remember it is her behaviour not her as individual is undesirable. Therefore it is the behaviour that should be focused on rather than individual. For example “that was not nice thing to do.” Then as soon as it is appropriate tell him or her that you love him or her no matter what. Do not let her feel rejected or small just because she did something that is unacceptable.

13.  Do not  Compare him/her with anyone else

Everybody is good in his/her way. Nobody is better than the others. Hence everybody is good. We as parents should never think in terms of superior or inferior to anyone and whatsoever way. As I stated earlier each person is unique in his or her own way. Every person comes with his personality. In appreciating who she is we help developing a healthy self esteem, and encourage him or her special talents to blossom in their own way. And avoid comparison with other children’s talents abilities…avoid discussing her traits /personality with other people in front of him or her unless it is a complement or praise on him or her.

14.  Genuinely Accept and Love your Child

S/he is beautiful/ handsome just as he or she is. One must avoid looking for or wishing any different. S/he is unique. Her look, temperament way of expression are all her own. She is an individual with intellect and will. She is an individual her own right, and will have her own likes and dislikes, talents, interests. S/he may no be the way you think her to be. So just give her enough space to grow.

Prophet Kahlil Gibran says this with regard to children, “Your children are not your children they are sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, not from you. And though they are with you, they belong not to you. You may give them your love but no thoughts for they will have their own thoughts…”[1]

I have cited several points above and hope and pray that the reader may be inspired and would be reinforced to bring up your children in a healthy way. I have learnt over the years that Children are really the gift to us and are future of our nation. As rightly goes the proverb, child is father of man.  I believe that the above tips might be useful to you in bringing up children. Let us give what we can to the children especially the good things, which will make children become more responsible and honest. And make our earth better place to live in.

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[1] Ashwin J Shah, Greatest works Kahlil Gibran, (Mumbai: Jacob Publishing House, 1991), 20.

Cosmopolis and Dialectic of Community

COSMOPOLIS 

AND

THE DIALECTIC

OF COMMUNITY

Today there is a hue and cry for Human rights, Preservation of Life, Environmental Consciousness: Global Warming, Pollution, Saving of Water, Energy, Food, Electricity, Universal Education, Health Care, Eradication of Poverty, and Freedom of Expression and so on these all leads us toward world community, Global Cultural or World Cultural Community in other words a Cosmopolis.

As I set out to write something on Cosmopolis and the Dialectic of Community I was confronted with these basic questions. What is Cosmopolis? What is “World Community”? How is it constituted? And what is Dialectic of Community?

First and foremost we must define the cosmopolis or make clear its meaning and purpose. The word ‘cosmopolis’ is a combination of two Greek words and they are cosmos which means universe or world and polis which means small city-state. The two words have several meanings depending on its usages and the context where it is used.  According to Kelly the meaning of Cosmos is coherent order and Polis meaning city-state of Greece’s Golden age, which symbolizes reasonableness. Therefore cosmpolis can be referred to as World Cultural Community and World Cultural Country.

The origin or the etymology of this word dates back to the Greek Period and it is said that Diogenes who said “I am a citizen of the world,” supposed to have coined this very word. We do not at once dismiss the notion by reasoning that until the world has been organized into a single overarching political instruction, no one can be a “citizen of the world.” We understand that a person can be cosmopolites because of the nature of his or her loyalty, adherence or fidelity to and or orientation to fellow humans. If a cosmopolitan can exist without all humanity being gathered under one political structure, then cosmopolis must be something other than a political structure.

For Bernard Lonergan Cosmopolis is not “a super-state,” not “an organization,” not “a police force,” not “a court that administers a legal code,” not “an unrealizable political ideals.” The genuine Cosmopolis is a cultural country, a country “above all politics.” Cosmopolis is therefore not a material thing. It is a long standing, non-political cultural fact that transcends the frontiers of states and the epoch of history.

For him the World Community comes to its existence through “an achievement of common meaning.” This involves experience, understanding, judging, and deciding, it is not just experiencing of common data, but the common understanding of such data; which further leads us to common judgment about the truth and reality of what is understood, and especially common commitment to worthwhile action arising from common judgment values. Hence any authentic community: local or national involves more than just shared instruction and communication links; rather, these are mere structural elements that serve in the constitutions of community when they are genuinely guided towards significant values.

Furthermore the notion of world community – cosmopolis – introduces us still another criterion, in that it requires, beyond a commitment to any concrete community, dedication to an order of truth and values that transcends all local and national concerns and indeed all practical concerns.

The greatest or the deepest desire of the human person is to succeed in the drama of existence by finding and holding to the direction that can be discovered in the movement of life. We as human beings are always in search of meaning in our lives and perhaps that leads us to search for direction which probably will lead us to be a better human being in the pursuit of Cosmopolis. 

There are five elements which play a vital role in the building up of Cosmopolis or which further the process of Dialectic of Community and they are as following: 1. Spontaneous Intersubjectivity, 2. Technical institutions, 3. Economic System, 4. Political System, 5. Culture.

Cosmopolis and the Dialectic of Commudnity

Human desire is insatiable. Hence they desire and want to possess everything they see. But on the contrary we also find that they are quite satisfied when their basic needs are fulfilled namely food, clothing and shelter. These basic needs of human being can be brought to its fulfillment when there is prevalence of cooperation and communication with each other. This also calls for self sacrificing attitude from the part of an individual. It calls us to move from spontaneous Intersubjective society to ‘we’ through practical intelligence. Dialectic between Selfishness and altruism implies looking after one’s needs and reaching out to others in need. And this is hardly understood, and resolved in its right sense hence there is occurrence of misunderstanding and that further leads to biases.

The tension between selfishness and altruism, between spontaneous inter-subjectivity and practical intelligence is seldom resolved in its right direction and that leads to biases. Now to prevent such occurrence of biases and to maintain the good of order, which is so indispensable for human living and which will only happen when there is genuine understanding, agreement, consensus, and decision. Thus it requires authentic communication and dialogue between people.

The operation of two contrary principles: spontaneous intersubjectivity and practical intelligence results in social process. These two principles are grounded in human beings sometimes they coincide and there is prevalence of peace but when they do not coincide there is chaos. However, this tension of the community is necessary for the development of the society.

Community is made up of two principles: spontaneous intersubjectivity and practical common sense or practical intelligence. The phrase, “No man can live as an island” aptly describes goal of human beings. Human being is social being too. Human beings spontaneously longs to be together and this spontaneous intersubjectivity is the basis of every community. With the increase and development in the field of technology and economy spontaneous intersubjectivity is no longer capable of holding a community together and thus there is need for ordered society which will only happen by practical intelligence. The necessary tension of the community becomes the basis for decline and development in the society.

Finally when we strive towards Cosmopolis, or World Cultural Country we need to be converted in three ways. and they are as following: 

·         Intellectual Conversion 

·         Moral Conversion

·         Religious Conversion

Comsmopolis comes about when human beings recognize and dedicate themselves to meaning and values that pertains to the fulfillment of human being as such –human beings universally. To rise above personal family, group, class and national interests and give one’s first allegiance to that which dignifies every person, to those discoveries, reasoned arguments, ideas and aspirations that would enrich everyone’s lives, is to create cosmpolis.

The principal purpose of Cosmopolis is to communicate meaningfully and share values. It does not coerce anybody rather it tries to share meaning, bear witness, to communicate. To realize World cultural Community it turns to communication. It must be kept in mind that where there is healthy communication there is genuine prosperity, progress and development; whereas the unhealthy communication leads to superficial skin deep or no relationship and this leads to decline or doom. Hence we all need consciously to work towards making of a World Community or Cosmopolis.

As we strive towards the Cosmopolis we need to be converted from within and my prayer and wish is this that we allow the words of Rabindranath Tagore to sink in our hearts and minds.

In to thy heaven of freedom my father let my country awake

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Where knowledge is free

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls

Where words come out from the depth of truth

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sands of dead habit.

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever widening thought and action.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Doran M. Robert, Theology and the Dialectics of History, Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1990.

Hughes Glen, Transcendence of History, London: University of Missouri Press, 2003.

Lonergan Bernard, Insight: A Study of Human Understanding, 5th ed. In F. E Crowe and R. M. Doran, eds., Collected Works of Bernard Lonergan, vol. 3. Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1992.

-----------------------. Method in Theology, Great Britain: Darton Longman, 1972.

Pen Robert, Communication for Communion: Communication as Mutual Self Mediation in Context, New Delhi: Intercultural Publication, 2011.

Wood W. Allen, Basic Writings of Kant, United States: The Random House Publishing Group, 2001.

YOUNG PEOPLE DRUNK

YOUNG PEOPLE DRUNK

The increasing number of crimes, delinquents, lawbreakers, rape, harassment, eve-teasing, striping of girls in the public, and so on provokes us to ask what is happening to citizens of independent, social, republic country India.

In this present scenario we find people of two calibers: one is of trend setter and trend liquefying. What makes young people such? One is influenced by the quality education and the other is not at all. It makes one to think further and further till one gets answer.

Increasing in the problem of drinking leads young people perhaps to forget their identity meaning to say they have no idea who they are, and so in search of their identity they take to violence, crimes in all forms, and give in to ethically, socially, culturally unacceptable behaviour and finally without finding their identity mess-up their lives knowing not what to do with their lives. One of the problems why young people drink is to keep up the expectations of their peer and remain in the group. The other reason is lack of parental guidance which is a major cause of drinking.

  Parents, teachers, educators, and all those who are in some way or the other involved in the lives of young people need to rethink of their duty towards young people. They have become too busy with their own lives, and petty problems, leaving the young people to fend for themselves. Hence young often feel left out, uncared for which drags them to fall prey to vices which are so alluring, promising, and pleasurable for short moment. Thus we can say poor upbringing and callous attitude lead young people.

Today students consider drinking and late night party as trendy (this is the world for them), as parents turn a blind eye to the indiscipline of their children. The answer in an exemplary punishments, meted out fast. School and colleges must also play their part in ethical growth of the personality of children. The backbone of future India can be healthy, strong and energetic only by collective action.

Sound Mental Health Enhances One’s Personality

Sound Mental Health Enhances One’s Personality

          M.K. Gandhi in his definition of Education asserted, “Education I mean complete development of child – body, mind and spirit.”  To have complete development the individual should perfectly all right in all the aspects – physically, mentally, spiritually, morally, culturally, and aesthetically. It is not enough to have development in one or two aspects but in all the aspects of one’s life. The term complete development includes all areas of one’s life. Now the term ‘Mental health’ is self explanatory which basically refers to state of mental health. To enjoy good mental health means free from maladies like anxiety, repression, guilt feeling, emotional conflict, phobias, hyperactive discouragement and so on. These in turn make the individual cripple in his personality. Due to this his progress is choked and instead of blooming he withers and dies.

            Individual who are mentally ill can be termed maladjusted. Their existence is hampered and they cannot live their life as other do. They become truant, mischievous, and land up into unhealthy activities.  Now one may pose question, what makes them so? The answers are broken family (single parent, not enjoying love from his/her parents), Emotional conflict (Failure in the examination), Rejection (Love failure) and many others.

Group living, working, playing together, learning ways of self expression, change attitudes and behaviour of teacher toward educational method and development of students, emphasis on parent teacher cooperation, building human relationship, use of behaviour modification techniques, encouraging positive regard or behaviour. These can help make our society better place to live in where student is loved and in this loving ambient his personality develop better. 

The individual child will bloom when his mental health is sound and will be visible in all aspects of his life since personality includes all the aspects of his life.

To develop the personality of the child one needs to understand the children’s behaviour, to possess positive regard towards students, be expert in teaching program, and be firm like a father and kind like a mother.

Education for character building and freedom of soul

Education for character building and freedom of soul

          “But education has yet to be in the world and civilization, civilization has begun nowhere yet.” – Swami Vivekananda.

            All through he did not write any book yet he contributed valuable thought on subjects that are relevant and viable today. To understand his thought we must first take into account his oft-quoted definition of education –“Education is the manifestation of perfection already in wo/man.”

            The word manifestation implies something already exists and is waiting to be expressed. As he said “what a wo/man learn s is what s/he discovers, by taking the cover off his/her own soul, like a spark is a piece of flint and all that is needed is to strike of suggestion to bring it out.” Manifestation indicates development and already in wo/man refers to a human potential, which is the range of abilities and talents known or unknown that he/she was born with. Potential speaks of the ability of awakening something that is lying dormant. For instance it suggests something about person’s motivation.

            There are three concepts such as capacity, capabilities, and propensity which emphasize three aspects of education, (a) one makes learning possible, (b) one which leads to the development of learning, and (c) which provides self development or self empowerment.

The main aim of education is life building, wo/man making, character making, and assimilation of ideas. The ideal type of education produces integrated person one who has learned how to improve his/her intellect, purify his/her emotion and stand firm on moral virtue and unselfishness.  Finally education should lead to character building and complete freedom of the soul.

The ultimate aim of education is to be enlightened which means to enjoy freedom of soul. 

Group Activity: The mode of social interaction

Group Activity: The mode of social interaction

Group activity as the word reveals the activity performed by individuals in the group; in other words activities or task done by individuals in a team. Group activity is a source or means of stress buster. Just like all the gingers in the hand are not alike, similarly the children of the same age differ. The psychological principle – individual difference is very true when we look into the life of children all have different abilities and when these activities are put to use in a group we have interactions of several talents which in turn enhances the process of communication. This process can be called inter-communication which ultimately develops communicative skills.

 Alice V. Kelihar says, “Communication is very important.” Yes indeed because without communication we are not going to have successful life or enjoy successful career. Whenever there is communication there is growth. Group activity gives rise to leadership qualities; it also develops tolerance, fights inhibition and enhances self-confidence. And perchance there is some sort of discord among group members it gets resolved by support, guidance, manipulation and so on.

Furthermore, it enables the participants to consistently focus on the aims, objectives which are assigned to them. During group activity individual came in contact with so many members and is able o share his own ideas, opinions, and listen to their ideas too. These enable him or her to open up to the realities. Only if he she is open can he grows and enjoys progress in his her life. This process of sharing empowers each member of the group. Group activity teachers the participants human values – empathy, sympathy, collaboration, co-operation, interaction, mutual help, team-spirit, sacrifice and generosity.

Finally group activity has a social bearing in the long run. School as miniature society helps students to become more socially useful being in the society. It teaches them sufficient good qualities which makes them as asset to the society and no liable. These good qualities are developed in group activity. Hence group activity should be encouraged in all institutions for all round development of students in all spheres. It teaches them to be more disciplined person, and which in turn enables them to become good citizen, who is productive to the society and become God fearing. Discipline teaches them to do right thing at the proper time.