What made me write this article is:
Children are the future of tomorrow.
They
are gift to us.
What is parenting?
Parenting is the process of promoting
and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of
a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a
child aside from the biological relationship.
Parenting is usually done by the
biological parents of the child in question, although governments and society
take a role as well. In many cases, orphaned or abandoned children receive
parental care from non-parent blood relations. Others may be adopted, raised in
foster care, or placed in an orphanage.
Parenting is a
process where children are given love and taught to love and grow in love and
become a lovable person who is not only aware of his or her responsibility but
also becomes a productive citizen of the country in which he or she lives.
There are several tips
for parenting and they are as following:
1.
Be openly affectionate
Children thrive on love and affection.
Be genuine and generous in hug and cuddles. Assist children to be comfortable
with expressions of affection and not be afraid of hug, kiss and demonstrate
the love for families and friends. When they are old enough or reached the age
of reason tell them about the appropriate, inappropriate, safe and unsafe
expression of love.
2.
Acknowledge his/her feelings
It is always good to encourage the child
to talk to you about their feeling. Sometimes we need to say to them, “I can
see that you are angry. Do you want to tell about what happened?” When they
cry, afraid or anxious we need to be by their side saying to them, “yes I am by
your side”. Always keep in mind that child’s feeling is true hence pay heed. If
she knows you are not indifferent towards what s/he is going through s/he will
withdraw from you.
3.
Encourage your child to discover and appreciate
the wonders of nature
Occasionally take your child out. Take
him or her to the forests, streams, park, zoo, mountain, paddy fields,
botanical garden or places of interest which will enable him or her to
appreciate the wonders of the world. As she grows old she will in turn learn to
appreciate them as source of peace and calmness.
4.
Your child trust you and wants to measure
up to your expectations
If you tell you children they are
beautiful, intelligent, smart, talented and caring individual she will grow up
in that way and will prove you right. But however, know that it works both
ways; if you are convey to her in any way that she is not beautiful, dull or
not smart then subconsciously act accordingly. Beware of the messages you
convey to her consciously or unconsciously.
5.
Never laugh at your child, not even in
jest
Always validate her
feelings. When s/he tries to walk, laugh, talk or try new thing never laugh,
chuckle at her for s/he may take for ridicule. Rather show her sincere regard
for fledgling attempts and match the earnestness with as much seriousness as you
can muster; whenever you laugh at something in her present let her feel that
you are laughing with her and not at her.
6.
Guide your child to strive for excellence
rather than perfection
When you are led by drive for perfection
you tend to criticize. So allow room for imperfection to happen in his or her
life. For example, Shoelace is not perfectly tied, milk is spilled on the new
table cloak, when you are in a hurry s/he eats slowly, does not colour picture
perfectly, tell her that it does not matter. Otherwise s/he will grow up in
fear of making mistakes. What really matter is that she learns joyfully and
enthusiastically and develops new skills. She will feel good about himself or
herself; when s/he does well shower him or her with judicious prize or gift.
This will surely lead him or her to grow in confidence.
7.
Never Criticize the other parents in
front of your child
No matter what happens always stand
together and firm as parents to the children. Set an example of loving parents.
When you do that you provide grate sense of security and confidence to the
children. You are her role model. S/he will look up to you as model to be
followed. She will learn how to relate with people by observing you. Cultivate
the quality of tolerance, patience, understanding, empathy for this will keep
both of you united and firm and provide a safe ground for children to grow.
8.
Never ask her to take sides
One should avoid asking children as to
whom she loves most. For that question will put in the mind of children love as
something conditional, limited. Rather one should teach or make her fell that
love is in abundance in our hearts. The more you love the more opportunities
remain to give or share love with others.
9.
Present a United front when Guiding your
child
Children see parent as a team, so if you
disagree among yourself they immediately sense it. If one parent says no to
something, the other must not over rule that. Children can be very manipulative
.if thy sense a division between you they will use it to their full advantage.
10.
Be Consistent
Your children are best observers of your
character. They inspect each and every move taken. If you stop her from doing
something once and in the second time you ignore the same thing, then they will
no take you direction seriously. Children are clever. They test the limit with
parents. They see how far they can push you. Do say no unless you mean it.
Don’t make that unless you are willing to follow closely. Example if she
continues to bang the plate with fork and knife despite your telling him or her
not, say something like this – “If you keep banging the plate with spoon and
fork then I will have to take it away from you.” Then be ready to and be willing
to follow through it even if she starts to cry. Consistency does not mean
rigidity. But here it means to do what you say in order to avoid and keep the
spirit of integrity alive among yourselves. Explaining with reason why of it.
Provide structure with reasonable limits that your child can understand which
can instill a sense of comfort and safely in him or her.
11.
To tell your child what to do is more
effective than telling her what not to do
When you instruct your child it is
important to note that you tell her what to do. We know Energy flows constantly
hence to say n to do is to say stop flow of energy. What is required is
redirection of energy in the desired direction with suitable channel and no to
stop the flow of it. When you instruct you child what to do immediately follow
her up and also tell her why of it or the reason behind it. For example: Don’t
draw on the wall because it will destroy the wall instead take this paper and
draw we will hang you pretty picture and display it on the board. But sometimes
you have to use Don’t for example: when
anything goes towards harmful or injurious to their mind, and body.
12.
When she learns to assert her
individually
If you happen to find your child in the
wrong path gently bring him or her to the right path. Like good shepherd
leading the flock, feeding, guarding, protecting, and taking care of them.
Without letting him or her know or feel that she is a ‘bad child’. Remember it
is her behaviour not her as individual is undesirable. Therefore it is the
behaviour that should be focused on rather than individual. For example “that
was not nice thing to do.” Then as soon as it is appropriate tell him or her
that you love him or her no matter what. Do not let her feel rejected or small
just because she did something that is unacceptable.
13.
Do not
Compare him/her with anyone else
Everybody is good in his/her way. Nobody
is better than the others. Hence everybody is good. We as parents should never
think in terms of superior or inferior to anyone and whatsoever way. As I
stated earlier each person is unique in his or her own way. Every person comes
with his personality. In appreciating who she is we help developing a healthy
self esteem, and encourage him or her special talents to blossom in their own
way. And avoid comparison with other children’s talents abilities…avoid
discussing her traits /personality with other people in front of him or her
unless it is a complement or praise on him or her.
14.
Genuinely Accept and Love your Child
S/he is beautiful/ handsome just as he
or she is. One must avoid looking for or wishing any different. S/he is unique.
Her look, temperament way of expression are all her own. She is an individual
with intellect and will. She is an individual her own right, and will have her
own likes and dislikes, talents, interests. S/he may no be the way you think
her to be. So just give her enough space to grow.
Prophet Kahlil Gibran says this with
regard to children, “Your children are not your children they are sons and
daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you, not from you. And
though they are with you, they belong not to you. You may give them your love
but no thoughts for they will have their own thoughts…”[1]
I have cited several points above and
hope and pray that the reader may be inspired and would be reinforced to bring
up your children in a healthy way. I have learnt over the years that Children
are really the gift to us and are future of our nation. As rightly goes the
proverb, child is father of man. I
believe that the above tips might be useful to you in bringing up children. Let
us give what we can to the children especially the good things, which will make
children become more responsible and honest. And make our earth better place to
live in.
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